He comes back from Mema's with such a potty mouth!

Dayne was at Mema Dodo's for 3 days he comes home. He's being all sweet!
Dayne: Daya. Daya. Daya. Daya!
Daya: Yes!
Dayne: You're pretty.
Daya: I think you're pretty too.
Dayne: I'm not pretty! I'm handsome!
Daya: What is Daddy?
Dayne: Daddy's an asshole.
(he goes up to chett and points at him, finger in his actual cheek pointing to him) and he says:
You're an asshole
and then Chett tells me a joke with the punchline being Nagger, to which Dayne immediately repeats....except it doesn't sound anything like Nagger. Chett was covering himself up with a blanket. I remained sober face and told him, that was awful, so now everytime Chett laughs at ANYTHING, Dayne says: Stop laughing. That's awful!
He has also started the "Why" phase. Why? WHY? WHY???? To which I directly follow with the "I've turned into my mother phase" and repeat "Because I'm the Mom that's why!" or with "Because I said so!"

Good times.

,Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Dayne. 1 syllable. Straightforward. Is it really that hard?

Wylde had a friend come swimming with us today. First she called Dayne, Dave, then David then she started calling him Damon. She is 5, and wanted to mother him! She kept trying to catch him at the bottom of the slide. He's more than half her size! Then she would want to carry him in the water and he was like, "No, mom carry me!"  It was soo funny. Wait...on yet another random thought I wonder if her mom put her up to the name thing. Her moms name is Joy, I called her Joyce... interesting.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

I thought of a new random thought!

For all of you non-current preschool parents...there is this show on PBS called Word World. It is a "world" where everything spells what it is. There is a bear, a frog, sheep, pig, dog and some bugs. It is supposed to help children with their alphabet and the like, I assume.

Here's my question... why is it that all the animals talk except the dog? Did they think that children wouldn't understand if a dog could talk but it is totally acceptable for a frog or a bear to talk? I mean, Seriously. Right?!?!
I call shenanigans.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Should I put all these stories in different posts? or just one? Okay. Just one.

So. Dayne stuck silly putty up his nose the other day, while I was driving. Anyone ever experience trying to teach a 2 year old to blow his nose while driving? Not easy. I still don't know if we got it all out. That evening he kept picking his nose and coming out with blue stuff, to which he would proudly exclaim, "Silly Putty!"

On a sweet note, he tells me all the time how much he misses me. He is with me 24/7. He told me his missed me as I was leaving to go to the grocery store yesterday. Not after I came back but before I left. I think he is telling me he misses me instead of telling me loves me. He is so sweet.

Speaking of sweet...I think he and I made it to second base today. Not sure I really remember what second base is but it was awkward. He kissed my lips, my cheeks, my nose, my chin, my forehead and then he wanted to kiss my boobs. Um. No.

Wylde had a friend over today and he started telling her about his Fourth of July weekend which of course began...My grandpa got into a fight with another grandpa and then I said a bad word, that started with fuh (he was sounding it out) At that point I stopped him. Said he had much more exciting things to talk about, like fireworks and swimming and what not...

My random thought for the week or month or year....
When it is a full moon, I wonder how many bugs die flying into that light?
(I wouldn't have been so polite as to call that other guy a grandpa!) Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Since when did kids learn about the bees so early?

While we were outside this past weekend at my Mom's in Emporia, Wylde runs up and says he saw a Bee! I said, "Well that will happen outside." but he said somehting that really shocked me! He said "It's okay it was just pollenating!"
He's 5 ya'll. 5.
Since when do children use words like pollenating and know what it means? And who has been teaching him about the bees? I can't wait to hear what he has to say about the birds.

 Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Wylde's got our back *warning offensive language included...

Emporia fireworks changed the location of their fireworks display yet again. This time it was at Trusler. What a crappy place to have the fireworks, down in a valley. We went near the campus to the tennis court parking lot but the fireworks didn't go high enough for us to really see well and then there was that street light in the way.
The parking lot was full of people already set up to watch the fireworks but we were there for the same reason so we pulled in and set out some chairs. Some grouchy old guy then proceeded to yell at us for double parking and telling us how inconsiderate we were but he wasn't leaving at that moment and we offered to move so that he could leave, which he didn't. I HATE confrontation. I was scared there was going to be a fist fight but thank goodness the guy only had one arm.
Anyway, one person in my party said "Well fuck you." The one armed man said "No, fuck you!" and then Wylde said "No, fuck you!"
Ah! Happy Birthday America!
So we left and got ice cream.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

So there's this raisin...

 So.... there is this raisin at Mom and Dad's house, on the night stand. Everytime I stay the night I see it and think  "OMG, mouse poop!" or "OMG a bug!" and then I realize it is a raisin and laugh! Instead of throwing it away, I leave it there to trick myself again next time. It works everytime.
Dayne found it today and wanted to eat but I told him it was yucky so he wanted to throw it away. I wouldn't let him. It's a tradition now. It warms my heart to know that raisin will be waiting for me the next time I stay the night. There to freak me out! I love my little raisin.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya