Dinner Conversation

We saw a conversation while eating dinner; not even sure what the commercial was selling. There was a dad and a daughter and they made a volcano that erupted red stuff all over the kitchen ceiling, cabinets, etc. mom walks in, speechless.
Me: I can't even imagine if you and Dad made a mess like that!
Wylde: did you say the f word? the fuh... word?
Me: No, I was just saying, that if you and your Dad ever made a volcano and it erupted and got stuff on the ceiling and the cabinets... I wouldn't be able to handle it, I would have to leave until it was all clean.
Wylde: We made a volcano?
Me: Oh NEVERMIND!

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Hair today, hairier tomorrow.

Why is it that the older I get the hairier I get? I mean you would think that like other things we would evolve. There is no reason why this female body needs more hair. Or why any older person needs more hair. Old people have temperature control issues as it is.  Right? It's 80degrees outside and they wear  sweaters with scarves and complain about the windows being open. They don't need the extra hair to die sooner from heat exhaustion.
So again., why am I getting hairier? My eyebrows are growing down to my eyelashes.  Cuz it's sexy to have hairy eyelids.  My eyebrows are also growing outwards, beginning to meet my hairline.  However, the hair is blond so even though the hair is there it is of no use whatsoever. Thanks. Exactly what I want as I get older. Invisible useless hair.  So even though I have eyebrow hair by the wig fulls, it still looks like I am related to Dr. Spock (google it girls).
I have also began weekly checks on my jaw bone for long unexpected hairs.  The heavy invisible increasing growth of hair there gives me great worry that one of the hairs will decide it is a black sheep... and grow long and black and I will be standing in the check out line at Wal-Mart while the hot high school boy in line behind me, stares horrifyingly at my profile. 
We could talk about the veritable vaginal forest but I digress there.
Then there are my ankles. My leg hair is blond. My arm hair is blond, all the extra growth of hair on my face is blond. My ankle hair is black. What..The. Fuck.  I have nothing else to say about that. I am stumped beyond words.

 Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

I've had a horrible day.

My day:

1. Woke up late, had to rush and thought Dayne missed the bus.
2. Dayne fell out of the car onto his face onto concrete. Bled for 10 minutes, cried for 20 minutes.
3. He fell asleep just as we needed to get Wylde from school so I had to wake him up to leave, made him cry.
4. Had to wake him up (he had fallen back asleep in the car) to bring him into the house. Made him cry.
5. Told Wylde he could go to the park with the neighbors but then they went later than they said and I had to tell him No. He threw a huge fit. Told me I was "Mean, Mean, Mean, Worst Mom Ever."
6. Husband didn't come home when he said he would, had to make late minute arrangements for Dayne so I could take Wylde to his first Pack meeting for Boy scouts. Made Dayne cry.
7. Come home from pack meeting, husband still not home, had to drive into city to pick up Dayne. thought I would get ice cream to make myself feel better. Get lost, can't find Dairy Queen - my "navigation" obviously was wrong or didn't work.
8. The ice cream I did get wasn't as good as I wanted because what I DID want was a french silk blizzard from Dairy Queen. So I feel no better.
9. Kids get into bed an hour past their bed time.
10. Husband got home in time to see kids to bed. Who cares. I'm not talking to him.
11. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I tried to eat the ice cream in the car, got it on me and all over the car. No one gave me napkins. Had to use my pants to clean the car. Thank goodness I wore my fat pant gauchos today.
12. All this drama today has given me a "pissed off fuck this day" headache.

  Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Why?

As I sit here and watch Project Runway I can't help but think....Why can't heterosexual men be stylish and sexy and fashionable like homosexual men are?
My friend Katy and I were at a gas staion the other day and saw this amazing looking man who was dressed impeccably and matching his shoes to his belts to his sunglasses and his jeans were amazing. Immediately we look at each other and say, "Gay". 
This is where I fall to my knees and throw my hands up screaming "Why? Why? Why?" Why can't our husbands dress like these sexy gay men?  Why can't my husband be gay??? Why? Why? Why?
Don't tell Chett but seriously ya'll.... he wears a pair of my umbros (that they don't make anymore) from when I was in high school, so he is wearing 18yr old womens soccer shorts. He doesn't like mens shorts because they are too long so he wears womens gym shorts. He can't tell the difference between Navy and Black.  Ugh.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya