Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm not just PHAT, I'm fat!

FYI: PHAT = Pretty hot and tempting.
When I was pregnant with Dayne I only gained 8lbs (don't hate) so after he was born I was actually thinner than I was before I had him.  He was 8lbs 3 oz.  I was very excited and thought it would be easy to lose those few extra lbs to get to my goal weight! Well...60 lbs and 3 years later I am the fattest I have ever been.  I hate my body and the way it looks. None of my clothes fit but I refuse to go buy extra clothes and conform to this body. I know that this weight is not good for me, mentally and physically. It depresses me and we all know I don't need help with being more depressed.
I am bound and determind to lose this weight! Now.
I recently went and talked to a friend about the diet she was on and while I am not doing exactly what she is doing I am trying to eat better. I eat small meals 5 times a day. I WILL start exercising.  I want you all to call me out on this. I am writing this blog because I obviously don't have the will power to do this on my own. I hope that by being accountable maybe I will be more determined!  My psychologist (that I have had for almost a year now) has even noticed the weight gain and that embarrasses me!  I know I am fat and gained weight but to actually hear it from someone else is so humiliating.
I refuse to be this weight for summer. I refuse.
I would give anything to be athletic.  To enjoy jogging. I have tried the couch to 5k before and not sure that I will get into that again. Not to make excuses but these boobs don't exactly make it easy to run.  I do have a Dance game for the wii that would be better than nothing. My friend up the street has Wii fit.  Walking would be nice but it is a little cold out.
I wish I could be hypnotized to LOVE jogging... or walking at least.
I know that if I was healthier, I would be happier.
So.   That's all I have to say about that.
                                                                                                                            
Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

1 comment:

Candy said...

Daya, I feel for you as I am at my heaviest weight too and was really depressed when I saw that Darby had lost 40 lbs - I swore to do better. I haven't. I can't get too excited over exercise either, and we have a fitness room. I do walk (relatively fast) for a mile and a half a day, but that's not enough to help me lose weight as I eat too much JUNK! It scares me and I know I need to do something, and I will for maybe a day. I have done Nutri-System, etc. but I am SOOOOOOO lacking in willpower that once I'm off then boom. I even got thyroid pills before I came out, but, guess what; the disclosure says they can cause weight gain - they sure haven't caused weight loss. I had envisioned the pills melting off all that fat, never happened. I wish you the best of luck; you're a stronger gal than I am!