Dinner Conversation

We saw a conversation while eating dinner; not even sure what the commercial was selling. There was a dad and a daughter and they made a volcano that erupted red stuff all over the kitchen ceiling, cabinets, etc. mom walks in, speechless.
Me: I can't even imagine if you and Dad made a mess like that!
Wylde: did you say the f word? the fuh... word?
Me: No, I was just saying, that if you and your Dad ever made a volcano and it erupted and got stuff on the ceiling and the cabinets... I wouldn't be able to handle it, I would have to leave until it was all clean.
Wylde: We made a volcano?
Me: Oh NEVERMIND!

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Hair today, hairier tomorrow.

Why is it that the older I get the hairier I get? I mean you would think that like other things we would evolve. There is no reason why this female body needs more hair. Or why any older person needs more hair. Old people have temperature control issues as it is.  Right? It's 80degrees outside and they wear  sweaters with scarves and complain about the windows being open. They don't need the extra hair to die sooner from heat exhaustion.
So again., why am I getting hairier? My eyebrows are growing down to my eyelashes.  Cuz it's sexy to have hairy eyelids.  My eyebrows are also growing outwards, beginning to meet my hairline.  However, the hair is blond so even though the hair is there it is of no use whatsoever. Thanks. Exactly what I want as I get older. Invisible useless hair.  So even though I have eyebrow hair by the wig fulls, it still looks like I am related to Dr. Spock (google it girls).
I have also began weekly checks on my jaw bone for long unexpected hairs.  The heavy invisible increasing growth of hair there gives me great worry that one of the hairs will decide it is a black sheep... and grow long and black and I will be standing in the check out line at Wal-Mart while the hot high school boy in line behind me, stares horrifyingly at my profile. 
We could talk about the veritable vaginal forest but I digress there.
Then there are my ankles. My leg hair is blond. My arm hair is blond, all the extra growth of hair on my face is blond. My ankle hair is black. What..The. Fuck.  I have nothing else to say about that. I am stumped beyond words.

 Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

I've had a horrible day.

My day:

1. Woke up late, had to rush and thought Dayne missed the bus.
2. Dayne fell out of the car onto his face onto concrete. Bled for 10 minutes, cried for 20 minutes.
3. He fell asleep just as we needed to get Wylde from school so I had to wake him up to leave, made him cry.
4. Had to wake him up (he had fallen back asleep in the car) to bring him into the house. Made him cry.
5. Told Wylde he could go to the park with the neighbors but then they went later than they said and I had to tell him No. He threw a huge fit. Told me I was "Mean, Mean, Mean, Worst Mom Ever."
6. Husband didn't come home when he said he would, had to make late minute arrangements for Dayne so I could take Wylde to his first Pack meeting for Boy scouts. Made Dayne cry.
7. Come home from pack meeting, husband still not home, had to drive into city to pick up Dayne. thought I would get ice cream to make myself feel better. Get lost, can't find Dairy Queen - my "navigation" obviously was wrong or didn't work.
8. The ice cream I did get wasn't as good as I wanted because what I DID want was a french silk blizzard from Dairy Queen. So I feel no better.
9. Kids get into bed an hour past their bed time.
10. Husband got home in time to see kids to bed. Who cares. I'm not talking to him.
11. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I tried to eat the ice cream in the car, got it on me and all over the car. No one gave me napkins. Had to use my pants to clean the car. Thank goodness I wore my fat pant gauchos today.
12. All this drama today has given me a "pissed off fuck this day" headache.

  Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Why?

As I sit here and watch Project Runway I can't help but think....Why can't heterosexual men be stylish and sexy and fashionable like homosexual men are?
My friend Katy and I were at a gas staion the other day and saw this amazing looking man who was dressed impeccably and matching his shoes to his belts to his sunglasses and his jeans were amazing. Immediately we look at each other and say, "Gay". 
This is where I fall to my knees and throw my hands up screaming "Why? Why? Why?" Why can't our husbands dress like these sexy gay men?  Why can't my husband be gay??? Why? Why? Why?
Don't tell Chett but seriously ya'll.... he wears a pair of my umbros (that they don't make anymore) from when I was in high school, so he is wearing 18yr old womens soccer shorts. He doesn't like mens shorts because they are too long so he wears womens gym shorts. He can't tell the difference between Navy and Black.  Ugh.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Code?

Anyone have suggestions on how to talk code with my husband when the kids are around? I tried pig latin but Wylde figured it out. I tried spelling the words backwords. Wylde figured that out too.  I could probably make my way in Spanish but Chett would have no idea what I was talking about. Could probably spell things out in sign language but doubt Chett could figure that out either and that would take way too long.
Damn these smart kids. I remember the days when I could talk about going to the movies, going out to eat, Christmas presents, plans for the day, candy and generally any damn thing I wanted too without them sticking their noses in my business!
Wait, I guess I could text him...Yep. Gonna turn into that person that texts you even though you are sitting next to me. Get used to it. I gotta keep my secrets. Like the one about me going to the movies without the kids tomorrow my freighbor! Neener neener neener kids.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Men vs Women

In the following blog I am going to show you the difference between how my husband and I celebrate someones birthday.

Me (celebrating my frieghbor (friend/neighbor))
Knowing that she was dreading her birthday and thinking she was going to have a bad day I made sure she started her birthday out special.  I bought her a purple balloon (her favorite color), tied to a caramel Frappicno with delicious doughnuts (for her and her kids - no breakfast cooking for her!) and a card expressing how she is special and deserves to have a special day! I believe we also went to a movie and dinner that night!!


Chett (celebrating his loving wife and mother of his 2 boys' birthday)
Had to be told to tell me Happy Birthday as he left for work
Had to be told to take me to dinner when he got home from work because I sure as hell wasn't cooking.
Got me a card, signed "Chetter" No, "Love, Chetter" or "Happy Birthday, babe, Chetter" Nope. Just the name. The name his sister calls him. No offense Mandy if you're reading this. I think my Dad might call him that too.  I have never called him Chetter in my life. Does he call himself I wonder that? Ew.
This is the first time in our whole relationship I think that he didn't write a little something. Gosh I feel special. Thanks for leaving me that warm felt card on my bed side table when I came to bed at 1am when it was no longer my birthday.  Might as well have taken a napkin and signed your name, would have taken just about the same effort and saved some money.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Things I have learned recently....

things I have learned recently:

• If I want to do somehting I should just plan it and then tell the husband what we are doing because if I ask him, he won't want to do it.
• I have no patient helping Wylde with is homework. None. At. All.
• For some reason I can't my nails. They either have bubbles in them or never ever dry. They will be dry and I go to bed and there is sheet marks. I put clear coat on. Next night wake up sheet marks. It's a no fail conundrum.
• No matter how many times someone explains to me I still don't understand the difference between Past and passed in certain circumstances. Yes, I am an English Major.
• I do not like, will not like, have never liked, peas.
• I really do like reading. I should do it more.
• I like trees.
• I really like crime drama/thriller/scary movies!!!! I am so into them lately! I had no idea! I never watched scary movies when I was little!

I think that is it, I got nothing else.
<3

• Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Has it really been that long?

I am SO sorry that it has been so long since my last blog! We all know I struggle with depression and the rode back to health has been a uphill and steady road! I am feeling good beginning to feel somewhat witty again!!! I hope to be brimming with blog worthy goodness soon!!!

As for now, lets rate my bday.
Pros:

1. Saturday before my birthday found a pendant Chett gave me that has been lost for the last 4 years. 
2. Fell asleep that Friday night before praying Mom would make rice bags for my birthday. At least 3 of them; 2 for me and 1 for the kids. I can't live without them when I have a migraine. I used to have 2 but wylde broke one (spilling rice all over my bedroom, master bath and hallway) and they lost one in the house somewhere! She made a bunch of them and as many as I wanted (4!!!)
3. In laws kept the kids 2 night in a row!
4. Slept in 2 days before my bday
5. Was able to party with some of my best friends and family!!
6. Took a nap after the kids went to school
7. Went out to eat to my restaurant of choice!
8. Monday is my favorite day of the week for TV! WOOT.

Cons:

1. Migraine started Friday evening!
2. Chett had to work late due to power outages from storms so we didn't get to leave for Emporia as soon as I wanted.
3. Migraine still on Saturday.
4. I peaked too soon on Saturday night. I ALWAYS do that. Damnit. Took a swim in my dress (more of a wading and the dress was made out of swimsuit material).
5. Peaking too soon aka got drunk = falling down on concrete. May post picture of my thigh later
6. Drunk also = not remembering the entire evening.
7. Drunk =  Keith seeing my bare ass not once but twice. At leaset it was my back side and not my front side.
8. Went to Chili's for my bday dinner just because they have my most favorite dessert (white chocolate molten lava cake with raspberry sauce). They no longer have it. BOO Chili's.
9. While trying to light my birthday candle after Chili's dinner, I burnt the @#$k out of my finger and thumb.
10. It's over too soon. Can I have another birthday next weekend so I don't peak too soon??

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

I'm pissed.

Today is just one of those days. Just about to start my period. I am moody. So thought I would do a list of things that piss me off at this very moment.

1. I'm fat
2. husband won't respond to texts or calls
3. friends and family are too far away and therefore do things without me and that makes me sad and jealous
4. being sad and jealous sucks
5. getting emotional gives me a headache
6. headaches suck
7. can't eat a huge batch of chocolate in front of the kids without sharing or gaining weight, neither of which I want to do
8. Crying just because it is my time of the month
9. Crying gives me a headache
10. can't take the really good headache meds because they knock me out and I have kids to watch and see #2
11. complain to husband about #3 and husband tells me to make new friends.  Psh. So I should just go on Craigs list and take out an ad?
12. laundry is NEVER done. NEVER. NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER.
13. Being lonely sucks
14. Feeling guilty for not writing a funny blog in a really long time sucks.
15. Not having a good ice cream of coffee place within a 15/20 mile radius
16. Husband always wants to drink and have a good time on the weekends - he has never had a hangover in his life. I don't really want to drink because lately even a buzz brings on the hangover. however, he just doesn't get it. I DON'T WANT TO DRINK. A drink on occasion fine but every weekend to get drunk? Can he not take no for an answer?

I think that is it for now.  You get the idea.
On a funny note, I was crying a little bit earlier and Wylde said, "Mom, you're eyes are leaking - why?" I said, "Hmph, I don't know, must be allergies."  What a man. :)

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!!
Daya

Feeling a need to be rebellious.

I get a hair every once in while to do something to myself that is drastic! Usually that means chop my hair, color it a drastic color, get a tattoo, SOMETHING!
Well, it is that time.
Tattoos are pricey and I just got one, what, less than a year ago?
Brown is too hard on my hair to come back from!
I am growing it out from the last time I chopped it!
So... I put some put some pink in it, but that isn't drastic enough. I have done pink before several times.
So... I decide it upon myself to be a guinea pig for my sister and tell her to pierce my nose with a needle, to which she has never done before.
No big, I trust her.
Everything is going good, she has the kit, watched the videos, everything is sterilized and all that. In goes the needle. Yay! No big deal. In goes the nose ring. Just a cute little stud. Should easily follow the needle. Um, not so much. After about 20 minutes of prying and squeezing and burning and pain for her and me. We gave up. It just wouldn't go all the way in!!
I had it in my head that I was getting my nose pierced this weekend come hell or high water so I called Monarch Tattoo in Emporia, Ks and she was able to pierce my nose using the exact hole that Brenna had already worked over! However! she only pierces with hoops and the hoop is HUGE!!! "To accommodate for swelling"  whatever, my nose swells this much, I am calling the Guinness book of World Records! She gave me a smaller hoop I can use in 2 weeks and then when it completely heals in up to 12 weeks I can put in a tiny stud. Woot.
So... If you see me, Don't judge.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

He is such a player!

It was a cold cloudy morning and too early to be up, but soccer beckoned!
Dayne is always bored and can't sit still. On this cold morning I hoped to keep him contained by also keeping him warm by wrapping him in my coat atop my lap.  However, he had other plans!
Dayne: "Katherine!"
Me: "Who?"
Dayne: "Katherine! Mama, Katherine is playing soccer with Bubba!" 
Me: "Yay! who is Katherine?"
Dayne: "Katherine goes to my school"
This means she is older than Dayne, she must be 4 or just have turned 5, being still in preschool, however she is smaller than Dayne and playing against Wylde's soccer team!! Immediately Katherine, not playing at the moment comes to hug Dayne and invites him to meet her mom. They sit together in her chair with her family where her grandma wraps them in blanket! She needs to be yelled at several times when it is her time to play!! At which time Dayne runs onto the field, during the game, to kiss her!
I assume a kiss for luck! I keep a camera in my purse at all times just for this reason! Guess where my purse is, in the car.
I was mortified that he was running onto the field during the game, mortified for not having my camera to capture the amazing moment!
After the game Katherine's mom comes up to me and asks for my number because apparently Katherine is shy and doesn't have many friends! She wanted my number however because she couldn't believe how well Dayne and her daughter got along! I told her play dates would need to be supervised! :)

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!!

Daya

bucket list, just because, just to have things to look forward to doing

In no specific order:
1. See Journey in concert (wish it was Steve Perry singing Lead)
2. Sky dive
3. Go to Ireland
4. Have a baby girl that slept all night and was a perfect baby
5. got a dog
6. Vacation with hubby alone
7. Spend time with family in Disneyland/World (OMG I think the boys would Love it)
8. Get into a fight and get and give a helluva punch. (preferrably at a bar where we can have an audience and be drunk and pull hair)
9. Go to Austrailia
10. Kiss Ben Affleck straight on the MOUTH (no tongue, his tiny little white corn bit teeth turn me off)


Seems kind of immature but so far thats all I have. I might add to it with age.  Anyone have Ben's number? I mean no offense to Jennifer Garner, just so she knows.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

to the girl I used to be

I guess it doesn't help that I am listening to adele "someone like you". I was pmsing yesterday. hard. according to my psychiatrist it only gets worse with age and then you menopause and it's gone. well the pmsing is definitely getting worse. I cried all day yesterday, for no  reason. today is better. i can go hours not crying and then it come without the full body heaves.
So the husband comes home late after hanging out with friends and adds acid to my already diminished attitude. "i only want my wife back, the sweet, happy, pain free, smiled all the time, laughed all the time wife that I started dating back in the day" Well then sign the divorce papers.  I was 18 years old. Sorry. That girl is long. I wish I could have her back too. He finished with " i love you, will always love you"
when I was in high school I was SO naive. So innocent. I never in a million years ever thought anything would be hard. I thought being a mom and a housewife would be second nature to be. Little did i know that just being a woman would be the hardest thing I have ever had to be.
I know what plaques me. I know I have severe pms. I see an OBGYN, I see a neurologist, I see a psychologist that was once an obgyn. My monthly cycle cause me at least 2 sets of migraines a month. Well the birth control have helped that but now the psychologist things I should be put on a different type of pills to help maintain my mood fluctuations. Yet none of this conclusive because my hormone and thyroid levels are normal.
right now I want to rip out anything inside my body that releases any womanly hormone and light it on fire. I want to be prepubescent and naive and happy. Please. PLEASE. Please somebody help me.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

Does anyone else feel his way?

Arby's has a new "Shroom and Swiss" sandwich. Now is it just me or does that suggest to you, that you and Heidi are gonna get hallucinogenic out of a plastic sandwich bag in on a flannel blanket out in the woods?
Mushrooms are reserved for food/eating...
Shrooms are reserved for seeing Jesus and tasting schnausberry's out the back of a cop car while you hear babies laughing and birds chirping in China.
Am I right?
Also I lost my keys. Haven't seen them for at least 2 weeks. Looked every where, my purse, the cars, the house. I even went so far as to ask Wal-Mart if they happened to be in the their Lost and Found. No such luck. They were a fancy bling set with my picture of Wylde on them and my house key. I thought I would look for the 100th time through my purse today. Found them. How does that happen? Must have been that Shroom and Swiss from Arby's.
Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

I don't know what combination of drugs last night but I hope I can recreate it again!

So I had so many dreams last night! Let me tell you about a few of them before they leave my mind for good!
Dream one:
I was a fireman, as myself so firewoman? FIREFIGHTER! I was a firefighter, is that one word? I was a fire fighter but I went about my business as a usual person and wore a enlarged glorified fire extinguisher backpack. However whenever I bent over it leaked lighter fluid type stuff all over everything.  ironically this stuff would then ignite and it was a just big mess. Therefore I wasn't a very good firefighter and was very lonely but still wore by backpack every I went.
Dream 2:
Wylde and I were camping with my parents and it was night time. I had to run some errands and left Wylde with my parents. After being away I realized I had left some guns left out on the boat/canoe and worried that Wylde may have gone out and got them and I could never have lived with myself if Wylde hurt himself or worse with my guns (which I don't) so I went back and went straight to the boat.  My guns were there but I did have some knives and flashlights missing and knew right away that Wylde had gone on some sort of pretend spy mission in the dark in the woods and I went to find him. I found him in a nearby cabin that was our friends and they were currently out. It was full of rooms separated by cork board and net and ferrets. Ferrets who had built nests on the walls...all over! they were like cocoons! With Ferrets!! There were hundreds of them! when I saw the first one I was like, hmph, I didn't know ferrets built nests and then after the 50th one I was like omg I have to get out of here. It was dark and I would just see them with my flashlight when I was right on top if them. By then the occupants came home and i told them they were infested with ferrets and the lady was like Oh, I will just get Ted (her husband) all he has to do is spray them with lighter fluid and they will go away. 
Again, with the lighter fluid! So i just got Wylde gave him a good talking to about taking my things and walking off in the dark away from Grandma and Grandpa and went home.

Dream 3:
It was Halloween and I went to this witched party. I was dressed up like a pink Goth Bratz doll. Hard to Explain. Google Goth Bratz Doll and picture it all cotton candy pink!I don't remember much about this one except the party got way out of hand and there was a disagreement between the ladies and here we were on main street in Gardner next to a wall of hay bails and this ugly black messed up looking witch with warts and torn up clothes was conjuring up fire balls and throwing them at people. I thought since I hadn't had a problem with her I wouldn't be harmed but I got hit with one and then another one got stuck in my hair as i was running away and I couldn't get it out! I was scared I was going burn up but then my old boss from the Turnpike, Jean, who was dressed as a nurse and I think was a an actual nurse in my dream, rushed out to get me and take care of me.

Dream 4. Yes...Dream 4:
I was hanging out with Perez Hilton who was dressed in Drag without a wig and some other drag person. Perez was an amazing artist! He made these pieces of art that actually came to life. My favorite was these gold pieces of paper that were high up in is loft and every once in a while they would separate like birds and fly across his ceiling and reposition themselves on the other side of the wall. They were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Perez and I were best friends. We sat at a desk and talked about art and art he was making me and teased each other about clothes. Here comes the time when the dreams start to fade because I can't remember the art he was making for me.  But that gold thing that flew across his loft was still amazing.



 Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

do I have to post to facebook or do some of you "just know"?

It is Sunday 3/13 and my husband got up and went to work today! Baahaahahahahahahahahahahaha! Happy Daylight Savings time to you honey!!!
Also, His snoring has GOT to stop. I think it is mostly cuz he has this snot thing going on, all winter, and "doesn't have time" to see a Dr even though he works at a freaking Hospital. 

Don't get me wrong, I may complain a lot. I do love my husband. He brought me coffee this morning. He thinks I am beautiful no matter what weight and other lovely nice good stuff... but really. Who wants to hear all the lovey yummy good stuff when I have fodder for all this funny stuff? I don't see a show of hands so I'm good to go. Thanks.

Side note. I found out how Dayne got chicken pox! Saw his bus driver at Wal-Mart Friday. She asked how Dayne was doing. She said the student that rides the bus in the morning (Dayne takes afternoon preschool and rides an afternoon bus) and sits in his exact seat had chicken pox right before him and "they never had time to disinfect the seat". She was sorry to hear Dayne had gotten sick.
Gee thanks for the heads up! sure glad I got a note or a call or a smoke signal or something. It was really fun trying to figure how my son got chicken pox out of the clear blue sky. Thanks. Glad we ran into each other today, we have to do this again sometime.  See you say, when he has head lice? Scabies? Can't wait.

My mother in law even after knowing this tidbit of information still thinks he had poison ivy.  I think my sister in law reads these and I mean no offense but seriously, he had chicken pox. I am 100% sure.

Good Daya To You! I Said, Good Day!!! Daya

For Your Information

I mentioned at some point in time about some headaches I have been having.
I see a neurologist.
She prescribed Topomax. or Topamax or Topirimate or whatever it is. Google it if it means that much  to you and I am sure you can figure out what the heck it really is. I am way way too lazy to get off my fat ass to go look at the bottle to get the proper name for this silly blog. Anyway....
It has side effects.
Pop or anything with carbonation really, tastes flat. Weightloss Win!
Gives me a Brain cloud. Intelligence Fail!
I can't think of words to save my life. Seriously. The other day, couldn't think of the word "consultant" so said " those people that are hired to come do things and then leave". I also apparently forget how to drive cars. Well let's be honest. I have never really been able to do that but I am blaming it on the meds. K? THE MEDS. If anyone asks, The meds make it so I make stupid automobile mistakes. Like for example, running into the hand rail out side my house and breaking it with the side of car. Not that I did that. I did. But it was the meds. Yes. I told the husband.
Good Day to you. I said Good Day!
Daya

The only title is that I have no title.

I have trouble falling asleep sometimes at night so I like to plays games in the dark in bed. Games like solitaire and what not to take my mind of world events like gas prices and Libya and Egypt bahahahaha. Who am I fooling. I mean lay awake with things on my mind like: are gushers better than pop tarts for breakfast? they have juice in the middle!  Did anyone notice when I went to the into wylde's school the other day without shoes on?  I was talking about something.
Oh so.... I have been hearing about this game Angry birds and I think, hey I think I will try that before I go to bed. I go to to bed at 1am. I turn in the bed to adjust and HOLY SHIT  it is 430am!!! Well now I am all revved up playing this game but i am going to need to get up in 3 hrs cuz that is when the kids get up so I put it away and try to go to sleep.
The rest of the night is restless. A sort of half in, half out sleep. I hate those! I remember saying to my husband "This is the second time I have heard foot steps with purpose. I think someone is in the house. Oh wait. It is 9am. I suppose it is the kids. I ought to get up."
Who says that? "I hear footsteps with purpose?"  Dear husband, I don't mean to disturb you from your slumber but it appears that male intruders have made their way into our establishment and mean to do harm to either our home or our person, please awake and protect your heritage.
I had no idea I was so proper in my slumber.
On a side note, if anyone knows of Erin Brokovich's phone number, I may wish to phone her. I call some serious shenanigans up in here!! Dayne just finished with chicken pox and now has some snot and cough thing going on. Chett has a high fever with mucus. Neighbor up the street has strep and bronchitis. Her husband has poison ivy on his face. I swear tomorrow another neighbor is gonna come over and say she has appendicitis with a side of athletes foot and her husband has pink eye and hemrhoids.
Side note side note, It is HOT as FUCK up in this mother fucker! Apparently when my husband is sick with a high fever and he is cold he thinks the whole fucking world is under another ice age and turned the heat up! I have been sweating my ass off all day, and just now figured it out. Brain Fail! Cold Shower Win!
Good Day to you. I said Good Day.
Daya

Do they also say something about sailors having dirty language?

I feel the F word coming on ya'll. It's one of those days.  I know my husbands mother taught him better than this. He uses the vaccuum (rarely) and leaves it out. He takes his shoes off randomly and leaves them. He uses his tools (rarely) and leaves them out. Kids use tissues ALL THE TIME, one kleenex for every one time they pick their nose, which I suppose is good but I am getting off track....where was I..... OMG tissues ALL OVER the house. When they want a snack they know they can get their own cheesestick or 90 calorie granola bar and then their trash is everywhere. They use the bathroom and wash their hands and dry their hands and throw the towel on the floor.  I realize I am a stay at home and my job is to pick up this house and take care of the children.
I should also be thankful my children use kleenexs and wash their hands and are able to get their own snacks but today as I pick up my 1000th tissue and see my husbands pajamas all over the bathroom floor and his tools in the living room and his tennis shoes in the kitchen and the vaccuum in the hallway I feel like becoming a trucker, a dirty, filty mouthed, mother trucker.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

I am going to be a freaking billionaire!

I am listening to my ipod and I LOVE to sing to music. Alas the husband is trying to sleep. He does not appreciate my singing him to sleep.
LIGHTBULB! Sound muffle attachment for the headphones! wouldn't that be amazing! kids could wear them in the car so all the kids could listen and sing to their individual music. performers could practice in hotels without waking anyone up. I could sing while my husband sleeps without bothering him! Anyone got the specs on how to build one? I will cut you in 40/60!

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

I am feeling especially chatty tonight....

Not sure why but I was feeling llike posting a lot of status updates but instead i thought I would just put them into a blog.
And now that I plan to do that I can't remember everything I wanted  to say. Isn't that always the way?

Does anyone else diesect their food? I take the candy coating off of Reeses Pieces (and tear up my mouth in the process) I take the caramel off of twix and eat the cookie separate. I eat the chocolate off of Kit Kat and Butterfinger and Peanut Butter Cups and then eat the insides. Peanut Butter Bars and Wafer Cookies in their layers. Also the biscuits that come in layers I separate their layers too. I wonder if there is a technical term for this?? Anyone else do this???

I just recently got an ipod and have been feeling it up with music.  As I listen to it, it makes me laugh. The music is SO funny. One second Whip Your Hair (willow Smith), the next Sailing (Christopher Cross), the next Adele, the next Miley Cyrus the next Cee Lo the next Mama Papas. I mean, I figure everyones is probably like that but going from Justin Beiber Never Say Never to Here Comes the Hot Stepper to Over the Rainbow just cracks myself up.

Speacking of my ipod....I had no idea how many songs actually had cussing in them! I cringe everytime I hear cussing in the songs! Fuck is a very popular word and it is the mother of all cuss words!!! i only say that word when I am very very angry and yet i happily sing it everyday! In front of the children nontheless! and then hope they don't repeat it! Dear Lord I hope they don't repeat it! They do know it is the mother of all cuss words. In those exact words.  But seriously....I love that song "Fuck you" by Cee Lo, Don't you??

I thought I had much more to say. But that's all. I think. Til I hit publish post and then it will all hit me but by then I will be like meh.

Meh is code for too lazy to get back on here and type more.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Not really funny but happy regardless.

What an amazing day.
Let's count the ways:
10. multi-grain waffles for breakfast
9. hot pink flower in my hair
8. sunshine
7. above freezing temperatures
6. great friends
5. baby girl time
4. long walk in the beautiful weather with the aforementioned great friends and baby girl
3. hubby made dinner
2. did I mention the sunshine?
1. Did I mention the walk with great friends?

What a great day. I am such a happy girl. Vitamin D, Kim, Katy, Brylee, Ravioli, Twix, exercise, I highly recommend them all to everyone!

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Just need to vent.

SERIOUSLY? IT'S LIKE A FUCKING CIRCUS OR A WING IN THE LOONY BIN WHERE THEY HAVE TOURRETTES OR NO VOICE VOLUME CONTROL! I have a headache. I have had a headache for weeks now. Not a bad one, not a migraine, just an annoying headache that won't go away.  Today it is a little worse than usual, I think it is just this time of year. Days and weeks of cold nasty sunless weather makes everyone sick and crazy. Especially the kids, oh the kids... I had to bring out the whistle the other day because I just couldn't yell anymore.  The boys are just like their father so when all three of them are here and it is nasty outside, it is needless to say that my headache would be worse.
Chett is yelling nonsense, the kids are running down the hallway screaming, Chett is turning the TV up to drownout the kids, Chett goes up to make himself a drink and swirls his cup full of ice, eating the loudest food he can think of to eat, the cat is snoring, Chett is yelling at the kids to stop yelling.  OMG MAKE IT STOP!!! The ice. THE ice, THE ICE!!! I can't stand the ice!!! If he swirls it one more time I am gonna go over there and dump that fucking cup over his god damn head.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

If you read my blog you will appreciate this!

Today Chett took the day off so that I could go to some Dr appts without the children or rushing to get home before the kids are home from school!
We were arguing over which one would pick Wylde up from school. i thought since He was home it would be a treat for him to go get Wylde since I do it everyday. He thought since he had taken him I should pick him up.
Alas, I had to poop! Ahahahahahahaha. He was trying to talk to me but I shouted:
"Haha, I am sorry, I am not able to do what you need me to do at this moment because I inconveniently need to poop! Can't hear you through the fan and sound of my pooping. Have fun picking up Wylde!"
Ah. Redemption.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

I think I am going to become a stand up comedian.

It came to my attention as I watched Saturday Night Live yesterday that the funniest skits are when they lose it and laugh at themselves, regardless of whether the skit is actually funny or not! With that in mind I think I will be a stand up comedian and just tell really stupid jokes but laugh at myself the whole time like I am the funniest person I know!
Based on this idea, I think this is why I find Jimmy Fallon so amusing. He is ALWAYS laughing at himself.
Did you hear the one about the 2 dudes that walked into the bar? you would think the second one would have ducked. AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. COuGh, CoUgh, ummm, good times.


Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

I call shenanigans

Seriously. Let's consider the tooth fairy for a moment, shall we?
If the tooth Fairy was an actual person, I think it would be male. He would have copious amounts of childrens teeth in his home and a huge bank account!  He sneaks into your childs room at night and pays for their teeth. He must be some sort of pedophile/cleptomaniac?
Can you imagine the headlines? Police find thousands of teeth in mans home, tiny man with fairy costume held for questioning.
While we are on this subject. Who invents these things anyway? Is it just me or is a human sized rabbit that walks upright and hides easter baskets not a tad bit terrifying? Have you not seen Donnie Darko??
Sesame Street? Again, human sized monsters with the mentality of children??  Cookie Monster always stealing cookies and yelling/growling whenever he talks, no matter what he is talking about!
I think therapy is going to need to be a mandatory class in junior high and high school. Math, English, Science, History,  Psychotherapy!


Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

I'm not just PHAT, I'm fat!

FYI: PHAT = Pretty hot and tempting.
When I was pregnant with Dayne I only gained 8lbs (don't hate) so after he was born I was actually thinner than I was before I had him.  He was 8lbs 3 oz.  I was very excited and thought it would be easy to lose those few extra lbs to get to my goal weight! Well...60 lbs and 3 years later I am the fattest I have ever been.  I hate my body and the way it looks. None of my clothes fit but I refuse to go buy extra clothes and conform to this body. I know that this weight is not good for me, mentally and physically. It depresses me and we all know I don't need help with being more depressed.
I am bound and determind to lose this weight! Now.
I recently went and talked to a friend about the diet she was on and while I am not doing exactly what she is doing I am trying to eat better. I eat small meals 5 times a day. I WILL start exercising.  I want you all to call me out on this. I am writing this blog because I obviously don't have the will power to do this on my own. I hope that by being accountable maybe I will be more determined!  My psychologist (that I have had for almost a year now) has even noticed the weight gain and that embarrasses me!  I know I am fat and gained weight but to actually hear it from someone else is so humiliating.
I refuse to be this weight for summer. I refuse.
I would give anything to be athletic.  To enjoy jogging. I have tried the couch to 5k before and not sure that I will get into that again. Not to make excuses but these boobs don't exactly make it easy to run.  I do have a Dance game for the wii that would be better than nothing. My friend up the street has Wii fit.  Walking would be nice but it is a little cold out.
I wish I could be hypnotized to LOVE jogging... or walking at least.
I know that if I was healthier, I would be happier.
So.   That's all I have to say about that.
                                                                                                                            
Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

My mind on the way home from errands this evening...

So glad my appts coincide with rush hour traffic. Driving into the sunset too, great. Sunsets are both amazing and painful.
Much like miracles. Gees, I just threw up in mouth a little bit from the cheese of my last statement.  Speaking of throwing up in my mouth a little bit, I have had some really bad heartburn lately.  Heartburn from my antibitotics I bet. That's weird, I was just thinking of my heartburn and then mom texts me to ask about my heartburn.  I wish I could text her back but I am driving.
There should be a way to text and drive or blog and drive, and then I could blog about this drive while I am on it. Hell there is prolly already a way, speak and blog or something but I just don't have the brains or the money for that stuff. You know, this thought process reminds me of someone with ADD. I am sure I don't have ADD though. I don't think I have it. I never had problems concentrating in class/school. I wish I could win pix your purse.  I have been listening everyday but I am not going to wake up at 7am to try all the times you can call in.
I am so glad chett is making dinner tonight. although it would be really great if we could eat pizza. Pizza doesn't really fit into my diet. I should blog about my diet. I am really hungry. I should stop somewhere and get a coffee for myself for tomorrow morning. Nah. I have coffee at home. Save money and calories. Oh shit, I am almost home...I gotta get over. Excuse me. I know I know I am an asshole, didn't mean to cut you off, had no where else to go.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Who's in the mood for a good joke?

My Dad texted me this today, thought I would share.

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip. I hope the porn channel is disabled.

She replied, "No! It's regular porn, you sick bastard!"


Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

GROSS!

Wylde has lost his 2 bottom teeth now! He tells me tonight after losing his 2nd one... "I can't eat my boogers anymore! These are the 2 teeth I used to chew my boogers!" Ugh. So Gross!!! I told him he shouldn't be eating them anyway! That is like eating DIRT!
As I am typing this he can read his name at the start of this blog and wants to know why I am typed his name. It used to be that as one got older they would be embarrased by old pictures or stories. I feel for this younger generation! Not only will they be embarrassed by photos and stories but these photos and stories are spread world wide and available 24/7! Woot.

Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

So my husband is supposed to be smart right?

There once was a family, driving to christmas with the family. Daddy driving, Mommy wishing she hadn't asked for the Chipmunk Soundtracks for the boys for Christmas, boys listening to Alvin and the chipmunks, hopefully about to nap in the backseat.
Daddy says "Do you have some nug?"
Mommy "Uh, what? Nug?"
Daddy "turn it around"
Mommy "Nug? Why do you need a nug? Oh, I get it you want to kill yourself because of the music."
Daddy "What? Kill myself?"
Mommy "You said you wanted a nug, backwards spells gun...."
Daddy "Oh! LOL I meant mug"
Mommy "Jesus Christ, they are asleep now would you like a piece of friggin GUM?"
Daddy "Yeah."



Stay Funny San Diego, Daya

Today, it's all about my views on religion.

Don't know why I feel the need to blog about this but I do, even when my nails aren't 100% dry...I wanna blog about religion.
I don't 100% believe in God. I just don't understand if there is a God why different cultures' god is different, their bible is different etc. If there is a God he would be the entire people's God. I have never read the bible but i have been to church. Several different kinds of church as a matter of fact. I think the bible is like an aesops fable....a story made entertaining for the people of the ages to live without sin. Don't cheat on your wife, don't steal etc...
My whole take from religion is "treat others as you would have others treat you." Which is odd because when I went to church 80% of the church goers did just the opposite, looked down their noses, gossiped, sinned, cheated etc.
I can have faith and treat others with kindness from the comfort of my own home.
I believe in faith and the power of the people. When I wrote that i was depressed the mass amounts of kindess and people made me feel better.
I am always reminded of something that happened when I worked at the Turnpike, when people talk about God coming to your need....When I worked at the Turnpike a van filled with a husband, wife and I think 3 children were trapped in the flood and they were devout. They sat in their car and prayed for God to save them and 3 times that night a State Trooper came to their window and tried to persuade them to get out, urged them, begged them, but still they prayed for God to come. Everyone in that van drowned except for the father. If this story would have ended with "they prayed for God and God sent an Angel in the form of a Trooper and he saved the family", I might have believed in God that day. Instead I think those people were sad and ignorant.
If I believe in some faiths than I should disbelieve in ghosts, reincarnations, abortion, gay and lesbian marriage...and I refuse to do that. I believe I have felt ghosts. I believe my husband when he says he saw a ghost. I believe my children saw ghosts when they were younger.  I believe there is a circumstance for every situation and some situations call for abortion. Do i think it is right for everyone? Hell No but can you imagine the mass amounts of unwanted and abused children out there without it? Everyone deserves love. Every person, man, woman, black, white, blue, pink. I judge no one. I al so am not one to discount anything if I have not seen it myself. I have never seen God so I don't disbelieve in him but I have seen kindness in others. I have seen the prosperity, value, of "Pass it On" - passing of the kindess. I have seen the benefits of kindness and giving of oneself.
So am I religious? In my one way, I am. the religion of Daya - where I treat others with kindness and believe in anything that could be possbile. I judge no one. Would you like to join the religion of Daya and sit at home wherever you and be kind to others??
I think if there was a God neither would he or she. I was lead to believe that God is a loving God. A god that says love others as you would want to be loved but only if they straight...not so much.
I also think it is ridiculous that you can ask forgiveness before you de and be forgiven for all your indescretions. So okay, I will steal and rape and murder and torture and live my life full of hate and loathing but as i lay dying I will ask god for forgiveness and he will open up his gate for me. I wouldn't do it.
Stay Funny San Diego, Daya